Breathing is SO something most of us take for granted. Last week, a fire in the Manzano Mountains brought a poignent awareness of the complete importance of one's ability to breathe in relation to being ALIVE on this planet.
The Spring winds rolled the heavy, brown smoke into the Albuquerque valley where it has alternately settled and churned with the wind currents so prevalent at this time of year. Spring here in New Mexico is a time of pollen, pollen and more pollen--Life passionately bursting forth in all Its glory!
With the added smoke, my "already dealing with hay fever" lungs, went into shock. Every breath became a meditation on staying present and not allowing my mind to wander into the realm of fear. Having never had asthma or other debilitating breathing experience, at first, I went with, "this too shall pass". Initially, it was "mangaeable".
Then, it progressed. Synchronistically, I have been listening to the Eckart Tolle/Oprah presentations on the web (www.oprah.com) on Monday nights. One of Tolle's exercises for staying present is to "follow the breath", a classic meditation. This last week, I had an extraordinary opportunity to practice this as never before! Two days ago, my entire focus WAS on following my breath AND the dawning awareness that, "NO, this isn't going to "go away"". Period.
Thankfully I have always been a very healthy person. Yesterday, it took every part of my focus to stay present, to NOT PANIC!
One of the key things I learned from the Tolle lessons, is to be clear about the present moment. In other words (my interpretation!), do not aggagerate as in, "I CAN'T BREATHE!". The fact of the matter was, I COULD breathe, it was just VERY, VERY difficult!!! Amazingly, (I am still in awe) that deliniation made ALL the difference in the two hours of 7.9 mile drive, city traffic, the being given the wrong address, the walking in, walking out, the waiting in lines, the sitting ALONE in sterile rooms to help at the Urgent Care Unit on Harper.
At each stage, like when I was left in a consultation room, ALONE, for 10 minutes and ALL I could do was sit and watch what little breath I had, go in and go out and look around the room. As Panic tried to creep in from behind, I would breath that little breath again, notice that "yes, in fact, I am still breathing. I do NOT need to panic yet (I can wait awhile before I do that). Yes,it is, in fact, true that I have NOT STOPPED breathing. The breath IS still there".
Growing up in New England has it's advvantages. The task of conserving BTU's during the long, cold winters causes one at a very early age to also rid one's self of unnecessary mental, emotional and physical motions. Very calmly, I explained to the intake nurse when asked on a level of 1 to 10 what was the pain, that it was not a question of pain, rather, it was more primary, on a scale of one to ten breathability, I was a 1 so please would you be most kind and do something to help me directly. Thank you ever so much." ("Officially",on the breath scale used by the hospital, 450-500 is where one is supposed to be breathing,and on the third try I got up to about 75!!!)
Once I had had a "breath treatment", and could clearly FEEL in my lungs that I would live, I was stunned at the beauty of being SO present that everyone and everything was in clear, precious focus. I was treated with such incredible kindness and respect for the situation I was in.
The blessing in retrospect is that very "up close and personal" I now know what truly being in the moment means.
